Shout out to my husband...

I have to praise my husband for a minute...

i know, no one else really cares about this but me, but i just have to do it. after listening to some family drama tonight, i realized how lucky i am to have him. don't get me wrong, i have always known how wonderful he is - even when he is driving me crazy. but, somehow listening to all the petty crap that can go on with people, i just love him even more. he is so kind and thoughtful, and always, and i do mean ALWAYS, puts himself last. he is so excited about our coming little one and obsessed - in a healthy way - with providing a great life for her. he works hard each day and does things that he doesn't like doing all that much simply because he knows it will benefit our little family. i just can't praise him enough for all that he does for us. i may be cranky and full of hormones right now, but when i can see through the haze of the baby-craziness that is my body at the moment, i just feel all tingly and like a stupid school girl with how much i love him.

so, in case you're out there wondering what to look for in the man of your dreams, i can tell you: just give the really nice, truly wonderful and generous guy that you meet a chance. it may be a slow process because he cares too much to jump right in, and you're probably accustomed to playing stupid games, but once you're in, he won't go anywhere, and you'll be praying every day that he doesn't. and when you are pregnant and have children, you will be incredibly grateful that you chose this amazing man. because, as i am already learning, there is no greater gift you can give your child than a loving, selfless parent.

HOLY. CRAP.

36 weeks and 2 days pregnant....FIVE days until i am full term. FIVE DAYS PEOPLE. Now, given that i have relentless heartburn, and am constantly sweating, am still waking up with charlie horses, and peeing every five minutes, you would think i would be UBER excited about little bit getting the heck out of me. and i am. i swear. i am MORE than ready for this kid to not be wiggling around in my ribs and kicking my cervix anymore. however, HOLY CRAP. i will have a real, live baby to feed and change and burp and rock and somehow teach to be a good person. what am i going to do with a baby?!? perhaps these are questions i should have asked ahead of time, you say. well, yes, i do see how that could have been beneficial. in reality, i did ask myself how it would all work, but the haze of baby-making bliss got in the way. before pregnancy, sleepless nights seem almost glamorous. changing 10+ diapers a day seems fun. learning to breast and/or bottle feed appears exciting. but, now, here i am, about to bring home a live, breathing, moving, crying baby and i am scared out of my mind.

oh, and lets not forget about the hours of labor that are yet to come. i have started to become a bit TERRIFIED about where exactly she will be coming out. i have always wanted pain intervention, but now i'm starting to get a bit wigged out about putting a big ole needle into my spine. and c-sections? don't even get me started. it all just scares me. i know BILLIONS of women have done it before. i know BILLIONS of women will do it after me. but, people, i just don't care. i have never squeezed a watermelon out of my hooha and the thought is just a *leeetle* bit intimidating.

so, as things get going, if you hear relentless weeping and moaning, just know its me wondering what it is exactly that i have gotten myself into. hopefully, i make it through to the blissful part... and yeah...i actually really can't wait to meet the little one!

OB rage...

I am now 34 weeks and one day pregnant, but on friday of last week, at exactly 33 weeks, i woke up sick. now, this would not have been SO bad, if this weren't the FOURTH time i have been sick since being pregnant. each time, it's started out the same. congestion, sore throat, basic feeling of dying slowly. the first time - around 7 weeks - the OB essentially acted like i wasn't "pregnant enough" to treat and told me to see my primary care physician. my primary didn't want to b/c guess what? the OB should do that. it was a constant running in circles. eventually, the primary treated me, thank goodness. by the the time i was sick this time, i was fed up. i had an appointment with the OB on monday already scheduled and was determined she was going to freaking treat me. i BEGGED her for some medicine - oh and this is after ending up in labor and delivery because the baby wasn't moving like she should, which also was contributed to my being sick. anyway, with the OB i calmly explained that it was near impossible to get into my primary care physician when sick, and that i knew this was a sinus infection or something similar, b/c well, i know my body, and Robitussin DOESN'T FREAKIN' WORK! her response, just tell her that we want you to be seen, blame it on us. WOW, thanks for your concern.

so, since my primary care physician couldn't see me for three weeks, i ended up at urgent care. and guess what? after a 2.5 hour wait, i was told i have bronchitis. BRONCHITIS, people. i have asthma. i have ended up in the ER once this pregnancy b/c of asthma. and you know what? bronchitis and asthma DON'T MIX, especially when there is a baby depending on my ability to breathe to survive.

finally, i have an anitbiotic, and though still wheezing and coughing and in general feeling like i am dying a slow death, things are looking up. the thing that makes me ANGRY though is that the OB didn't bother to follow through on anything. i never get sick, except for the ocassional sinus infection, and so my educated guess is that b/c they wouldn't treat me the first time i was sick, it never fully went away. and now, seven months later, it has developed into something much more serious. and being sick brings so many implications for pregnancy and preterm birth. i know i am dehydrated. that can lead to preterm birth. i can't eat anything usually, and when i have eaten its been ice cream for the last week b/c it helps my throat. that's not good for baby's development. again, i have asthma, cannot breathe like i should, which means baby may not be getting the air she should. the whole thing just makes me angry. i depend on them to protect my baby and her health and well-being. the fact that my health - which is the only way she gets her health - has been so disregarded this entire pregnancy just frankly, pisses me off. and you know, i probably wouldn't feel angry at all if just once the OB - any OB in the practice - had bothered to pick up the phone and coordinate care, but instead, they're too busy, and i'm just not important enough. heaven forbid i get more than the 2 minutes they spend with me at each appointment.

in other words...next pregnancy, a very different OB, and next appointment, a very angry patient who expresses her feelings very honestly.