It's a.....

GIRL!!! We are so excited! i have always wanted a girl, dreaming of going shoe shopping, and buying dresses for Easter and Christmas and of course, the prom. I think girls are a blast (i mean, i am one, after all), and while i do believe they are probably a little tougher than boys during those teenage years, i have just always wanted a little girl. I can teach her to swim and dance, to be an excellent athlete while still being feminine, to take pride in doing well in school and beating all the boys, and eventually, far down the road, how to wear her makeup and to really dress appropriately for her age. i just can't wait to find out what she's like - if she'll be independent and headstrong like i am (yikes), if she'll have a heart of gold like her father and my mother (please!), if she'll be politically involved (a good little conservative, of course), where she'll go to college, and who she'll marry. of course, now that she's "real" to me, and that i can feel her moving inside me, the fear factor has drastically increased. i am terrified of letting her down somehow. will i be able to give her everything she needs and wants? will i be able to teach her how to be the person she wants to be? Will i be able to POTTY TRAIN her? how will i take the pacifier from her? how in the world am i going to be anything close to the kind of mom i dream of being? i obviously have so many thoughts rambling through my mind at all times, and considering i am dreaming about these things and not sleeping much, i can't let go of them! i think there's a part of me that is just so happy - i have a wonderful husband, a baby on the way, wonderful friends, a caring family - that i'm afraid if i breathe wrong it will all fall apart. for the first time in my life, i really do feel like i'm living in a fairytale - a fairytale where i worry about my baby and everything she will ever need - but a fairytale all the same. this is the part we should teach our daughters about: it takes time to find the right person to marry - he doesn't ride in on a white horse and sweep you away - and that marriage will take work and commitment. you should be true to yourself and your own dreams and never shut love out, but don't compromise who you are for some man. the right one will fit in with your life. and if you choose the right man, you will feel like you have obtained that fairytale when you are pregnant and you see how wonderful he is for your child. no money can buy you that kind of contentment.

so, now that SHE is here, or her sex is confirmed, rather, we are on to the name game.... let the games begin!

Oh, the things you'll do...

So, last night, i officially became a little crazy. i have read more than one article about how babies that are born into the NICU are given a blanket or toy of some type that the mother sleeps with to get her scent on it. This makes perfect sense to me, and i thought, hey, why not do that for my baby, NICU or not? so, last night, i slept with this little blankie that has a duck head on it that i bought when i was about 12 weeks along. and while i do think it will be nice for baby to have something that smells like me, i do also realize that i am a few days away from being half way there - which means i have 20 weeks left, or five months! can you even imagine what that little duck is going to be like if i sleep with it every night for the next five months? it will need to be washed, that's for sure, and then it will smell like detergent instead of me. i just can't let go of the idea, though. i actually really enjoyed sleeping with the little duckie. i felt like i had my baby there with me. obviously, the kid has been right there, safely tucked away into my belly the whole time, but having something physical to hold on to, made it a little more real. so, i'll probably keep doing it. and i'll wash it and maybe even throw it out and get a new one. but i like it. it makes me feel like a mother and like i'm doing something for the little one other than eat, sleep and get fat.