Seriously, GET OUT.

i will admit there are parts of me that are becoming a little sad about the end of this pregnancy. i think it's probably difficult to realize how special this time is until after it's over, so i promise i'm trying to cherish it. and i do love feeling her move around and watching my belly roll and jump. however, her movements are also becoming painful. she's very low - engaged - and there's just so much pressure that its painful to walk sometimes. its also painful to sit because my back hurts and her little feet are in my ribs. she has been enjoying playing my bladder like its a bongo drum, and so i have to go to the bathroom, um, about 100 times a day. and its difficult to lay b/c the weight of my belly hurts my back and of course the belly needs support - so basically, i'm uncomfortable. very, very uncomfortable. my husband, bless his heart, asked me to hand him something off the floor this morning, and all i could do was look at him. reaching the floor, is just not happening at this point. he even has to tie my shoes for our daily walk. and its not like its just a little uncomfortable to bend, it just doesn't happen. my body literally stops, mid-bend, and will go no further. so, yeah, I'M OVER IT.

and i feel like this has been the most difficult part of this pregnancy. i held my breath for 36 weeks, scared at first about miscarriage and then about preterm delivery. and at 37 weeks, i finally breathed easier. she could come then and all would most likely be well. i had done my job and kept this little one in and let her grow. but, it seems as soon as i breathed that sigh of relief, the real anxiety began. every twitch feels like it could be the real thing. i was 2cm dilated at an appointment nearly two weeks ago (at 37 weeks, 3 days), and i was convinced i would go at any moment. i repacked my bag, cleaned the carpets, baked - essentially went into full nesting mode. AND, NOTHING. at this week's appointment this cervix of mine had not budged. my doctor even said he expected i would still be pregnant next week, and then we talked induction. INDUCTION, people. i have been so convinced that i would go before 40 weeks that discussing an induction for week 41, completely depressed me.

so, here i am. still pregnant. each night i go to bed thinking, "i'll bet this is the night. my water will definitely break tonight." and, nothing. so, as i close in on 40 weeks, i'm feeling a little desperate. i know that this baby isn't technically due for another 6 days, but i blame my OB. they should have just never uttered the words full term.

so yeah, castor oil is looking better with every passing moment...